Letter to Kak

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Dear Kak,

Salaam from Malaysia.

I hope this mail finds you and family in good health.

I had wanted to write you earlier but I needed some time to organise my thoughts and come to terms with this recent development. Please forgive me if you find this an intusion.

While <..> may have informed you already, I would still like to write you personally albeit with a very heavy heart. Sadly, after close to 5 years together, it is now over between us.

Although for months, I already had the unsettling feeling that things were not quite the same anymore (call it intuition), I still pinned my hopes high that we would one day tie the knot. After all, it was only as recent as December that he’d introduce me to others closest to him as his future wife.

As you had remarked before, he is not always the easiest person to be with. With the experience of a failed marriage behind me, I shared with him my fears but he cleared my doubts each time. With that, I held fast to my commitment to be with him for the long haul. After all, it is our imperfections which make us human.

I had thought that I was able to accept him exactly as he was, but in the end, I find that there are still boundaries which I am unwilling to remove. Vice versa, as I see it, he too was unable to accept me fully for who I am today. He is stubborn as we both know it. But what he never believed was that I am just as stubborn, if not more. Perhaps this is where our likeness starts and ends.

It was one evening some weeks ago when I was left with no choice but to call it a day. I guess he is probably relieved he didn’t have to do it himself. I still agree with you that he has tons of love inside him and a very warm heart. I love him dearly. Maybe he dragged it as long as he did so as not to hurt me by leaving. But in the end the break up was simply inevitable.

To say that I’m not sad with this sudden turn of event would be a lie. I’d like to think that he did love me passionately, for it would be too painful to think otherwise. I trust that in time I will find acceptance that this is how it is meant to be. I must believe that Allah has other plans for me, and him.

While we must now go our separate ways, I will always see the jewel in him. I may have lost in love, and I sure miss him, but there are still much blessings in my life to be thankful for.

My wishes for him today is still the same as when we first met. I wish for him to be with his children for the pleasure of watching them both grow into adulthood. I wish for him to meet someone who would love and care for him selflessly. I wish for him to meet a woman whom he could love and care always, so he doesn’t have to go through anymore pain. I had wished for that woman to be me, but we both found that I am way too selfish for him.

Kak, thank you for listening.

Warmest regards,
<..>

p.s. He told me about Thea’s pregnancy. Pls send her my warm welcome to motherhood.
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