Night and Day

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That's how different we are. Where he is highly emotional and excitable, I am stable and logical. Where he commits and ploughs into projects instantly with all his heart, I would be the one needing time and/or persuasion before joining in his enthusiasm. He lives in the moment. I look to the future. He is an extreme extrovert to my introvert. He leaves trails of loose ends, I close mine up.

On hindsight (which is always great for the understanding but cannot do a thing to change the past), what has happened in our relationship fits the pattern perfectly. He plunged into love with abandon. I was cautious. With his moment now gone, I’m left to pick-up the pieces. While he seems to have moved on to his next passion, I still linger in a daze.

Our relationship is proof that opposites attract. How else could anyone understand what brought us together? People closest to me asked point blank what I could possibly see in him.

We human are never satisfied with what we have. That’s our nature. We are greedy. We want things that we do not have. In him, I see traits that I do not possess. And I wanted those to become a part of me, to complement my life.

When we first met, he promised to show me the worst in him so that I will not have any unrealistic expectation on him. He took this to the extreme too. I thought then that he had a twisted idea of impressing a woman. Fortunately at that time, I saw past these first impressions.

I started getting glimpses of exemplary behaviour such as his trustworthiness and loyalty. I see the respect that others paid him, people from all strata of society, from the low-lifes to the higher echelons (as we tend to generalise members of our society), reflecting how he himself treats others with respect where they deserve.

He is always passionate in everything he does. He would give 100% of what he has, sometimes even eating into himself. He loves passionately too. He never holds back. Always very sure of himself, he would introduce me to family and friends alike as his future wife.

He appears to be living Mark Twain's “Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth.”

And danced he did. I can't recall the name of the song, but I sure can remember the way he enjoyed our first dance. Never mind that my two left feet were practically glued to the floor. I should have known that my steps would never match his.

I suppose at eighteen I might have sang, loved, danced and lived like that. But it just doesn’t seem possible to do that today after the years of own real life experiences, as well as sharing the experiences of others. So in stark contrast to him, I tend to hold back. I reserve that last 20% to myself in case things do not work out.

After months of observing the 360 degrees view (often times I would be staring with disbelief at his actions), I trusted that I had seen everything. I accepted all of the unfamiliar, even shocking behaviour, which he had demonstrated. I accepted the package. At least I thought I did.

Alas, I didn't see the whole package.
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