To The Limits

Have you ever hit these barriers? My passenger had asked as we passed a toll gate.

That brought me back to one fine day some years ago when I decided to test how fast I could go without hitting, that is, to be just in time to reach the barrier as it opens. I never found out how fast I was going; was too shocked when we actually hit it. Fortunately, they have designed the barrier to open outwards as the bonnet touched it. We didn’t stop laughing until long after we left the place.

I have pushed many things to the limits.

I have pushed my boss to the limits. I kept defying him - for what I believed was right for the company - until he bullied me into submission. It’s been more than a year now, a difficult year trying to re-establish the broken trust. Neither has apologised. But things are looking up. If my promotion is of any indication, then I must have done something right. Even if the promotion is done to get me out of his hair, I am having the last laugh...at least until the next crisis.

Did I push my relationships to the limits? That may just be true. But I'm done examining the past.

I'm pushing my wheels to the limits. Deep Purple's Speed King on the stereo, I have time and again gone past the speed limits. In fact it’s more like I hardly ever drive within the speed limits. It still amazes me that after 3 years, I haven’t had a single ticket on this car. I do sometimes imagine getting hurt or even killed in a crash. Who knows, I may get careless when tired; for that matter, I may adhere to all the traffic rules, but other road users may get careless...

A friend just loves listening to my adventures of the heart. She would then caution me, "I just love you too much darling. Stay cautious...I don’t want you to get hurt". But dear, we get hurt all the time and we bounce back every time. We shouldn’t let that fear gets in the way of living.

Another enjoys stories of my outdoors adventure. When he heard of my plans for Nepal, he would say, "Why do you have to go to all these places?" "How do I know you will be safe?" "You could get hurt or killed!" And I'd say, I could die falling off the stairs. Should I then avoid using the staircase?

I am not suicidal. Speed doesn't kill. It’s like jumping off a plane doesn't kill you. It’s hitting the ground that does the job.

I am living my life, sometimes pushing it to the limits...but I do try to carry with me a parachute when I can...

Intern

I have served in a few large corporations through my working life. During those tenures, I had my fair share of supervising interns, be they local or foreign kids.

I observed that in general, they start off rather timid, unsure of themselves. Towards the end of their 8-12 weeks or so, you can see that they have grown in confidence as well as in their network among staff. Most try their best not to step on anyones toes, towing the line, even when the line appears crooked. Some staff members would enjoy bullying those poor souls who are more or less stuck for the duration of the internship.

Against that background and experience, its refreshing to listen to one intern (in another company) who described how she had told off her supervisor who was being rude, not just to her, but others as well.

This supervisor brags about having worked in the company for 29 years. He probably thinks that it gives him the right to be abusive towards all others who have served less time.

The young woman was one week into her internship when he was upset with her over something. The supervisor wasted no time to grab his chance to show who's boss. He raised his voice at her in plain view of the rest of the staff in the department.

What he didnt bargain for was that this young woman had learned early on not to let anyone walk all over her, and to stand up for herself and others against injustice. She looked him straight in the eyes and told him firmly, ”Please do tell me if I'm wrong but you dont have to raise your voice with me!” Imagine his shock to be spoken to in that manner. By a 'lowly' intern at that!

Whats interesting was what followed in the next days. He no longer uses abusive language on the kid although he continued with his usual behaviour with others. Great for the kid, but honestly, I dont understand how that reputable company could allow such behaviour at all. In my environment, he would've been marched to the HR office twenty eight and a half years ago.

In my earlier post, I had related the fact that I was in an abusive relationship. He only stopped his threatening behaviour including abusive language when I took the risk of standing up against him after a long period. I should have had the courage of that kid much earlier.

I know for certain that the young woman will be successful in whatever she does. I also hope that she will share her stories for others to learn early in their lives.

I'm not depressed

It is now more than 3 years since my last post. I had visited these pages from time to time to remind myself how far I have moved on since then. When friends urged me to write again, I always responded that I write only when I’m depressed. As I hadn’t been in that state for quite some time, so these pages has not seen any new material.

But now I feel like writing again, among other things. Not because I’m depressed. But I have been told that I should share more of my experience. That I should speak up more often. I didn’t understand why anyone would want to listen to me. I’m so ordinary with nothing exciting to share, no lesson others can learn from me that they cannot get elsewhere. What I do and how I live my life is just a matter of course. I do what I have to do to survive, to contribute, to find happiness, just like everybody else.

However I learned recently that I should share my stories anyway. Let my listeners be the judge if the stories are of any use to them. Those who do not wish to listen don’t have to. I have known for a long time that the most meaningful kind of gift is one which we find most valuable to ourselves. And what could be more valuable to give away than the only thing that I truly own…my stories.

So there I was, trying to login to this page. Naturally, having been away for too long, I couldn’t remember my password anymore. I attempted with several different ones which I had used in the past, none worked. After some days thinking and trying, I gave up, and I clicked ‘forgot password’. The first question asked was, “Where did you have your honeymoon?” How can it be asking me this question? I couldn’t have answered it then so I can’t possibly answer it now. In fact there is no answer to that. I never had a honeymoon!

But the question did jolt me somewhat. The next day when I tried again, my fingers just flew to the right keys...and here I am.